hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I am morally bankrupt
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
