You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
