i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I party with great urgency now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
