ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
