Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
