I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
