My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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