she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
