C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
