but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
