I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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