he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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