Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize