Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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