i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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