I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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