Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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