I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
