and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
