hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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