Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
