We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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