sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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