I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
