You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
