Jerry, you need to find god
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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