how can u be prego again
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
