Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
