Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
