my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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