i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
