the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
