somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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