You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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