No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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