I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
