come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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