I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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