Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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