I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
