You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
