Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
