my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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