i permit you to call me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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