Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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