Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
