I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize