I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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