Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
