bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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