sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
