C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
