i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
