It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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