oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
