my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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