24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
