i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
