I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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