I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
