Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
