she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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