I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So many bounce houses so little time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
